


The Gift of Prophecy

by SelenaTerna



Series: Prompt Fics [15]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humour, Prompt Fic, Semi-Crack, mentions of centaurs, strangeness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 10:07:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13949307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelenaTerna/pseuds/SelenaTerna
Summary: The Doctor puts in a stint as a centaur. It's not as easy as it looks.





	The Gift of Prophecy

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies! This silliness is in response to a prompt I got on Tumblr a little while ago from someone on anon (although I totally know who they are) asking for centaur ten. I hope this answers that need (and please don't throw things at me for this lol). I hope you all like, or at least that you don't hate!

“This is absolutely ridiculous, Rose!”

Rose folded her arms, shaking her head unsympathetically. “You brought it on yourself, Doctor.”

“All I said was that finding prophecies in the stars to fool gullible tourists was obviously a lucrative business!”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Doctor, you said that to the clan chieftain of the centaurs!”

The Doctor sighed. “How many times do I need to tell you that they’re not _real_ centaurs-they’re an alien variant on the old _Equus caballus_ , as you know it.”

“Whatever you say Doctor.”

“Point is, they’re part-horse, part- _alien_. The centaurs of legend are supposed to be part- _human_ , part horse, ergo, they’re not real centaurs.”

“Didn’t mean you had to be rude to them!” Rose pointed out. “They’ve been very nice to us and all the tourists love their mystical bit. You didn’t need to go insultin’ their ability to prophesy!”

“They don’t _have_ any ability to prophesy, Rose! That’s the point- they’re making it all up and I _congratulated_ them on it!”

“Yeah, if you call sayin’ they’re a bunch of tired old frauds ‘congratulatin’ them.”

“Well, they were! Did you hear that rubbish they peddled to that Zythian? ‘Ill fortune will befall you,’ indeed! Absolute rubbish, and totally unoriginal!”

Rose sighed. “And _that_ , Doctor, is why you’re half naked and wearin’ a horse suit for the next few hours. You’re lucky that judge didn’t order you to work in the welcoming ground for a week, the way you were carryin’ on!”

(She secretly thought it was a little unlucky for her that he _hadn’t_ ordered that, but seeing as how she was supposed to ‘oversee’ the Doctor’s half-naked punishment now, Rose didn’t mind _too_ much.)

“It’s absolutely _outrageous_!” the Doctor squawked.”Look at me! The last of the Time Lords stripped half bare and pouncing about in a hairy half-horse suit!”

(She looked. And she still didn’t mind.)

“Look Doctor,” she began, just managing to tear her eyes away, “if you’re goin’ to insult their ability to come up with prophecies then you can’t complain when they expect you to put your money where your mouth is! Now get to prophesyin’ already- unless you can’t come up with somethin’ that’ll beat theirs!”

He rolled his eyes. “Please, even a first year at the Academy could come up with better nonsense than that!”

“Well, go on then!” She cocked an eyebrow. “Prove it!”

“Fine then!” He folded his arms. “I will!”

“Well?”

“Fine!” He turned to face the darkened forest. “The darkness rises….but darkness doesn’t _rise_ , Rose! How can darkness rise?”

“Doctor,” she reminded him, doing her best not to sigh. “Prophecies, remember? Less science, more mystical.”

“Right, right, yeah, of course.” He cleared his throat. “Errr….Mars looms close to Venus…. because the gravitational pull is…”

“Doctor.”

“Right.” He cleared his throat again. “Er….Mars is bright tonight.”

“That’s Harry Potter,” she pointed out patiently.

“The planets are aligned….which is indicative of an unusual gravitational phenomenon that-”

“Doctor.”

“Oh, _fine_.” He paused. “But really, Rose! It’s fascinating! The planets in this system, which is almost a replica of the ol’ Milky Way, by the way, each exercise an equalising gravitational pull once a cycle so that-”

“Doctor!”

“Oh, alright.” He sighed despondently. “A red sun rises. Blood has been spilled this night.”

“That’s the Lord of the Rings, Doctor.

“Is it really?” He frowned. “You know, I think you’re right and I’ve been meaning to talk with JRR Tolkien about that one, actually, now that you mention it. I mean, what can the phases of the moon honestly have to do with mortality rates?”

Rose sighed. “Doctor, _focus,_ or we’re never goin’ to get out of here. All you have to do is tell three fortunes and the customer has to be happy.” She fixed him with a look. “You reckon you can manage that or d’you need me to feed you some fortunes?”

“Rose, I’m a _Time Lord_ ,” he said, affronted. “I think I can manage to come up with a few mystical-sounding babblings to satisfy a bunch of gullible tourists determined to see prophecy in every tea leaf!”

“Well, just make sure you’re convincing, Doctor- remember, part of the deal is they have to think you’re a real centaur- and _don’t_ tell me they’re not real centaurs again, you know what I mean.”

“Alright, alright,” he grumbled. “Where are these tourists, anyway?”

“They’re about to let them in,” she said, peering over at the far entrance gate. “So think of somethin’ and make it good. And remember you’re meant to be a centaur- you’re s’posed to be all mystical and deep and mysterious, so no goin’ off like a chipmunk on caffeine!”

 _“Chipmunk on caffeine?”_ He sputtered. “Are you implying I’m not stately, Rose? Not mystical enough for you? Not regal enough?” He sniffed. “My regal splendour is the talk of the Ilanora Galaxy, I’ll have you know!”

“Doctor-”

“No, no! I know a challenge when I hear one!” He sniffed. “I’ll show you regal stateliness!”

And with that he bounded, actually _bounded_ , to a baffled looking tourist with two children.

“Hello!” He beamed. “What d’you think of hearing a prophecy or two, hey?”

“Er, well, yes-”

“Brilliant! Mars is bright tonight, wouldn’t you say?”

“Er, well, yes, I suppose it is-”

“Of course, it isn’t actually any brighter, it just looks that way because of its increased proximity to this planet and it’s position relative to the sun.”

“Oh, well, I-”

“And its proximity is in large part due to the interaction of various gravitational forces that-”

Unable to hear anymore as the Doctor drifted away, baffled tourists in tow, Rose sighed and settled herself against a tree trunk.

It was going to be a very long night.

+++++++

The next morning, the preserve was littered with urgent notices with the Doctor’s face printed boldly in the middle.

“ _For your safety, please refrain from giving sugar to the humanoid mutant-kangaroo.”_

_Fin_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Come follow me at countessselena.tumblr.com


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